Never was a Cornflake Girl…

Gypsies and tarot cards

Posted on: June 12, 2008

I had the strangest dream last night.  It was so surreal and so striking.  As far as dreams go, I can usually categorize them: nightmare, sexual, prophetic, stuff-from-the-day, etc.  This one isn’t as easily defined; it doesn’t fit into a certain genre.

It was colorful, that was the first thing that struck me about it.  There was a red-headed gypsy woman I felt so drawn to, and I found myself doing things in the dream that would cause me to get closer to her.  The closer I would get, however, the more apprehensive and shy I felt.

Then she noticed me.  My heart leaped into my throat in the same way it did when I was 15 and the boy I was so in love with would lock eyes with me across the patio at school.  I stumbled over my words as I fumbled an excuse to her, “I w-was wondering if you maybe had a tarot book for sale… I-I have one b-but it is kind of simple and though it’s perfect for a basic Rider Waite deck, I was hoping to kinda branch out you know…”  I expected her to smile and politely respond but she said “You’ve been here,” and as I responded, “No, I should have come here first but I-” she cut me off and grabbed my wrists.  Holding them tightly, she stared me in the eyes and said, forcefully, “No, Brandi, don’t you see?  You’ve been here already!!  Don’t you remember??”  And oh my god, her eyes were like nothing I’ve ever seen before.  They were the color of amber and appeared as hot as liquid fire, swirling around the deepest darkest pupils I’ve ever seen.  I was not just terrified but in awe, and I gasped as I was startled awake.

Now I’ve been through dream analysis.  I know what I have to do if I want to know what all of this means.  I honestly think that should be my top priority tonight, to work through this dream.  As powerful as it was, there is obviously a message I need to get from it.  But I just can’t right now.

I’m scared to know what I need to know.  Does that make sense?  I’m scared it will hurt too much.  I think the only reason I’m having powerful dreams such as this is because lately I’ve experienced some powerful emotions and I’m stuffing them.  I’m downright ignoring the shit out of everything I feel because everything I feel is a lie and it’s distorted and it’s fucking me up.  So of course I’m going to have powerful dreams, right?  Is it wrong to wait until I feel better to start analyzing them?

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1 Response to "Gypsies and tarot cards"

What a crazy dream (and I dont mean crazy-bad, I mean crazy-bizarre). I really wish I would have taken that dream analysis class…I cant remember why I didn’t, but I do remember you and Leah both telling me how awesome it was.

Anyway…I totally think that you should work through it tonight. Why wait? While I didnt take that class, I do know that if I want to talk about a dream, it has to be shortly after I’ve had it or I start to forget everything that happened.

You said in your blog that you are afraid of what you might find out, which makes it seem to me like you already kind of do, but that you aren’t sure you’re ready to let that guard down. But, you and I both know that stuffing those feelings is the worse thing you can do.

Ok, I’m going to step away from “counselor Marie.” Sometimes that bitch gets in the way. The point is this: It’s going to spill over at one point or another, so why not do yourself a favor and let it flow? I mean, it’s now or then…the only difference is that now gets it over with quicker, which usually means less turmoil until the “then.” Does that make any sense?

Good luck, whatever you decide to do. And–like I’ve told you before–I’m here for you if there’s anything you need or that I can do to help. Always. No matter how long we go w/o seeing each other, I still consider you to be a close friend and someone I can honestly trust.

Love you Brandi, and can’t wait to see you soon!!!

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