Never was a Cornflake Girl…

La la la la…

Posted on: January 11, 2009

Ok, so I reckon the wordpress blog is back up and running.  Ugh, I hate switching blogs.

First, I’m keeping two different journals now.  One is my personal journal and one is the journal my therapist is making me keep, my “recovery journal” which sounds totally cheesy but in fact is pretty hardcore.  I would have you all read my “real” journal before I’d select one of you to peek at my “recovery” journal.  I have to write about really painful things in there, things I don’t want to think about much less write about.  But hey, that’s EXACTLY why I’ve gone so many years and not gone to therapy – not because I thought I didn’t need it, but because I knew it would be WORK, it’d be hard work.  I know it will be worth it but until then, the pain the pain the pain.

So Marie left myspace.  I don’t understand what is up with the privacy settings; I use the new module thing, and I set all mine to private… but Michael tells me she can’t for some reason?  Either way, a myspace blog sans Marie is just not the same.  When I first came over to wordpress I caught a backlash from all my regular readers except for Marie and Amanda.  Now Michael hates myspace and everyone seems to be leaving, so okay, back to wordpress.  I can wordpress from work anyway.  The only thing I don’t like is that I always seem to THEME my wordpress blog, and when I tire of that theme I leave the blog.  So marital problems/divorce were the theme of this blog, and I hate that.  My myspace blog seems more REAL diary, plus I can lock it down to preferred list when necessary.  This is trickier.

I have several blogs stored up, things I want out there.   Amanda asked about my diagnosis and I will expound upon that later.  I also want to blog my resolutions.  I’m at work now, but another counselor has come in and I want to leave.  I like being alone at work.  I keep the lobby dark and I play music and sing while I work, talk to myself like I’m am completely and totally insane.  Lorrie is the counselor who came in.  She’s new this semester and I like her best out of the rest, but she’s still older than me.  I wish there were more people like me around here.  Anyway, she scares the shit out of me when she gets here.  See, I was going to play some music on the computer, I went to (the latest music streaming site I’m using at work since they have now blocked pandora and rhapsody, assholes), and I realize I took my speakers home for Jade over xmas.  Oh I was pissed, but I had the mp3 player.  I briefly considered “what if someone sneaks up on me?” but I can’t work without music, so an hour later I’m in here singing along with Jewel “cute boys with crew cuts and … day glow surf boooooooooooards!!!” and I get up to get some more paper out of the lobby copier and scream!!  Lorrie is right there and she scared the ever livin shit outta me.  She says, “I’ve tried to talk to you a couple times, but you were singin’…” LOL.  Hey, it could have been worse.  Once in the middle of the day Jeremy walked in with the entire FIC crew with him and I was cooking and jamming to some Regina Spektor, actually attempting the Russian part of “Apres Moi”.  You should have seen the look on Tommy’s face, almost like he was scared of me.  😛

So, as much as I love Lorrie and as much work as I need to finish, I just can’t work the same if there are people around.  I need to work out but don’t know if I want to go to the gym or M&M’s to the treadmill.  It’s so beautiful outside it’s a shame not to be in the sun working out, but SHIT it is cold, I hate it!!!!  I put some powder and eyeliner on, and nipple nibblers on the lips (a sex thing made for nipples, I put it on my lips and it has the same effect… makes the blood rush to the surface and tingle, so the lips plump and get red – gimme your address if you want me to mail you some I have plenty left over from the summer I sold it), and Jeremy asked me when I left why I looked so pretty to go to work.  It was so nice, the way he looked at me, because before that all I could see in the mirror was the dreaded uniboob … I hate the way sports bras make my chest look, like the breasts are not separated enough so everything up there is just one big lump, ugh!  So it felt nice and I said, “Awwww, you think I’m pretty?” and he says, “Yes, I do.  And I think you do too.”

“I do now.”



3 Responses to "La la la la…"

Golllly! I feel so special!! 🙂 Haha…yeah, something really stupid about version 2.0 on my security settings and I’d have to go hand set all the privacy things for each box…something about finding a pencil to edit??? I think like they are on facebook, but I looked and looked and saw NO fuckin pencil on myspace to edit my shit with. So fuck it. I never get on there anyway besides to read your blogs! I do keep up with my wordpress and I LOVE that you have come back over to yours!!! I love reading your blogs, I seriously do! I was laughing out loud thinking of you jamming out and your co-worker scaring the shit out of you. Hahahaha….I can only imagine! If where I worked wasn’t 40 minutes away, I’d go in on the weekends too. BUT, no way in hell am I wasting my time or the gas just to have some peace and quiet! 🙂 That’s why I go in early instead…I get at least 15 minutes of uninterrupted time. Ha. Look forward to seeing more wordpress from ya, Brandi!!! 🙂

I love that we are both the kind of people that will attempt to sing in unintelligible Russian when (we think) no one is around.

Oh, and nipple nibblers? yes please.

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